With my right foot first
I stepped into the holy mosque
Upon the cold white marble
Where day and night people sat worshippin’, praying
Right and left the mosque being cleaned
Shinin’ not a particle of dust
The carvings of marble, the plates of gold
The symmetry of the whole mosque
Yeah the largest of it all
The came the grandest of the whole
The big beautiful house of Allah
Covered with black cloth and gold leaf writin’
My life flashed passed me, the good and the bad
Such a feeling my brother, never ever felt I had
A special bondage to the almighty
A sudden chill in me
Lookin’ around the large floor was filled with unity
Circling the beautiful house
Chanting, people sitting, prayin’ for forgiveness
Prayin’ to do better I witnessed
Takin’ a deep breath, tears was runnin’
I ran around the black house, the ancient black house
Built by Ibrahim, peace be upon him, circlin’ 24 no doubt
I got closer, as did my heart, as did my soul, amazing
How everyone had their attention only on worshippin’
All concerns forgotten, focused on prayin’
Forgettin’ everything matters and happenings just giving
I looked up in the sky thanking Allah for this journey
Sayin’: I swear I didn’t schedule to be here this early
I thought I’d come here like pops in my forties and fifties
And the doe I paid for the ticket, was meant for some hobby
But who am I to say if I will be alive tomorrow
Or 20 years from now, will my health be able to follow
For a moment I pictured my self 6 feet deep
In the cemetery, my corps in the same white sheets
Allah holds the master plan and it’s already written
The pens are withdrawn, the pages are dry… it’s written!
Outlandish – Issam
That’s how my first Umrah was. Amazement. I was never as amazed as I was in my first Umrah, I was repeating weird phrases every few minutes..like “this doesn’t look like in TV”, “This feels as if -out of the universe-“, “I am not sure if any of this is true..feels like dreaming”…and many other statements that some of them were said in front of people, and some of them were just bombarding my brain. They showed how shocked I was.
I didn’t really seek my first Umrah, I thought Umrah is something nice. Everyone loves to go to Umrah you know. But It wasn’t something that I pray for anyways. My family was just going, so I joined. At that age, 15. I was so distracted. This Umrah was the best wake-up call I ever had. I didn’t have a sudden change after, but by the age of 16 all my principles were different and oriented.
The idea of how many people were there was incredible. How everyone is worshiping around. How everyone is there, not by their bodies, but their hearts. I wasn’t sure where my heart was by then. But I saw in those people something I don’t have. This made think a lot.
The first thing Umrah would push you to realize reality. You are not the best nor the nearest to Allah. In our small communities, we might be considered awesome. We pray, we talk in a good way, we never insult, we speak by a respectful way..etc. We are just awesome you know, Sarcastically. But suddenly, you are not that good. You might be good, but not enough. Suddenly just living normally is not good enough. What is “normally” anyways. How normal you are, is always stated by the community you live in. In that moment you joined the very big circle in your Umrah, normality is not defined anymore.
“Does Allah need my worship?”, That one of the most basic questions I had over there. It wasn’t a question to call myself to stop worshiping, it was a realization that when I worship Allah, it is for my own good. It’s me who needs this worship. How I saw people thirst for Worshiping Allah over there, was just..I don’t know how to describe it. But how this guy looked like while he was crying praying for something I don’t know. Also, how this girl who wasn’t arabian, struggled to read Quran in Arabic..how all of them were focused on just worshiping Allah, touched me. How the worshiping was all day, not just 5 minutes each prayer. So I felt ..enough with this feeling of “I can do whatever with the rest of my day, I already prayed.”..enough with that feeling of that “religion is a “side” of life…it is the whole life now”. Suddenly, It sounded that I should stop fitting Islam into my life, and to base my life into Islam instead.
My first Umrah, was the strongest in effect. But I didn’t feel that by then, everything went smoothly, I was just shocked. How I changed step by step after it unconsciously was what proved how a wake-up point it was. I started listening to Outlandish later on, to find that this part Issam sang was describing my first walk into Mecca by the best way. I had feelings there, I never thought I had.
And that was my first step into there.