This morning, I was having a praying session. It is not the normal prayers, It is to just pray to ask Allah for stuff. I pray many times but, this was one of the few, when I feel that “What if a prayer changed my life”, so I keep praying for everything!. It happens in a better way when I am in Umrah, but as there is no hope to go now to there soon. So I decided to focus here.
Anyways, I started to wish for beautiful stuff. I wished to meet my mate in 2015. Okay, This is private, But I have a point behind sharing. I thought about, what if he broke my heart, lol. Very optimistic I know!. Anyways, what about our kids? ..What if he died before me ! …what about our happiness! ..I am not a pessimistic person so I thought about everything, the good and the bad. I started to ask Allah to give me the good if it was good for me, and to take away the bad if it was bad.
For seconds I felt that, but nothing is forever?. I mean, what is the point of getting all what I am praying for, if I am not really going to heaven. What is the point really of having all of this?!. Secretly, I had my mind replying saying that yeah everything is pointless somehow, but when it comes to marriage, it is like you are having a good company in this pointless things, so this may turn it into a point-full thing.
But the idea is that, Although I am sure..I will die. It felt that I can taste the infinity in this world, more than the ever-after’s infinity. This infinity is fake, It is like the picture I attach beside my most articles, that guy who is fishing, he is trying to catch the little fish, so he is really distracted by this. I feel, may be he feels that this is the max. thing he can get, but believe me the more levels he passes, he will find more and he will seek more. At some point, He won’t get more. This is the world, it looks infinite, although it is finite. It looks finite at some points, but the more you get, the more finite stuff are available.
That why I love this:
ألا كل شيء ما خلا الله باطل
Indeed, everything except Allah is perishable
I got a game, that is little crazy. I just look into my hands, and work on imagining seeing through it, until I can do it. I got high imagination so this takes less than few seconds, then I keep saying “See! Everything except Allah is perishable”!. I love to just remind myself that everything is fake but Allah. This crazy act always helps me in being happy for no reasons sometimes. So in the end, nothing is really there but Allah.
But what about the ever-after, how does it taste like?!. I kept trying to feel this and it was like if you needed to describe how is heavenly beautiful is a chocolate bar to someone who never ate chocolate. So I felt, that because we really never tasted infinity, we mistaken it with this finite world.
إِنَّ إِلَىٰ رَبِّكَ الرُّجْعَىٰ
Indeed, to your Lord is the return
Surat Al-`Alaq (The Clot) – سورة العلق