As Salam Alykum Diamonds,
I hope you are well and enjoying your life.
Do you remember our last letter? L1: Personality Traits Intro. You may go through it fast again. I was considering what personality trait should I start with. Eventually, I remembered how the world is quite a one thing, yet each one of us see it differently. So this is where things start, Yourself.
One of the most important traits you may have is ‘self-esteem’, simply if you got that I will just feel safe and I will be trusting your decisions, whatever what they were. It is somehow the most powerful trait, so makes anyone really valuable.
Self-esteem is simply knowing self-worth. It is just about how much you value yourself. How you know your capabilities, what you are good at, what you are not good at and being comfort with who you are. It’s frequently changed and fine-tuned as the way you need to see yourself changes with time, the more you grow up the more your capabilities change, and once you are in a new environment, you would face new challenges.
People with high self-esteem tends to be relaxed and not feeling huge anxiety about how others may see them or judge them. They are confident and not distracted by others as they always lead how they view themselves. They tend to be proactive people as well. As they know themselves very well.
Unlike low self-esteem people, they tend to speak negatively about themselves and see temporary setbacks as permanent so it is hard for them to try new things or lead. Communicating with people is a huge stress as they always feel they are lower or being judged by others. Sometimes, successful people with low self esteem make them really feel as losers. While others with few talents, yet high self esteem would feel sure and determinate about their choices.
The way you see yourself is always the way you would get your life to be. You are not the result of the surrounding. I knew for sure, you need to have this trait.
So basically, I know to have self-esteem you need to be both ‘being capable’ and ‘being loved’. As a kid, if you felt you are capable yet not appreciated, you would have low self-esteem. If you felt loved, yet you can’t do anything, you have low self esteem again.
So I needed to know what is the best way to enable you to feel those two keys in a balanced way. First, I needed to realize that every age will have its way. All what I should focus on is 1-8 years old, after that you would be just yourself without any pushing effects.
When you are just just born till you are one year old, you actually don’t see yourself as a person. So there is no clear self-esteem needed. Yet, this age is still crucial, you need to have a lot of love and care that only mum may provide. Many mothers think that as you don’t remember those days that they won’t affect you, while they actually do. So the way I would respond to your cries and needs is important in building your self-esteem. Last, I should talk to you a lot, even though you won’t be responding or understanding for me and to tell you how much you are lovable and loved.
One To Three years old.
At this interval your time, you see yourself through your mothers’ eyes. So the more I trust you and value you, the more you would really value yourself. So it is important at this age to show in my actions how I consider you really as a valuable capable loved person. Also, I should start giving you the chance to decide whenever possible, even if it is just about choosing what to wear, what to eat, which color for this drawing, every chance would be awesome. I would give you the space to be able to say ‘no’ and to accept this no and give its respect. I would put you into social situation where you would need to decide what to do too. It would be a great introduction to your next phase.
Three years old.
By around three years, you start to realize that your body and your mind belong to you. You must start to cope with some time away from me, because you simply feel safe and loved without the need of my encouragement or watch. it’s known that at such age you would start to compare yourself to others, and you would start to ask me about if you are better than others, smarter, more handsome, or even if you are the best.
As your mum it will really be challenging to give you balanced answers to those questions. As it is important to keep your self esteem ‘healthy’. I remember I always ask my mum if I am the nearest to her heart, she answers smartly: “You are the nearest NUHA to me”. So by this balanced way, I understand that I am valuable and loved and I may have kind of pride in myself as well, yet I would still understand that other people are important as well.
It will be more challenging too, as those people you would compare yourself with, might be your sibling. So I need to keep all your self-esteem up.
Four To Eight years old.
Those four years are really tricky, as this is when your self-esteem will be really tested. You will start to be open to a bigger community, and you will question your capabilities more. You will need to start discovering your strengths and to know your weakness. You need to learn how we may lose and how we would win as will. It will be tricky for me how I need to watch you from away to make sure you are in the right track and to handle any problems in a smart way. At such age, you would be trying many stuff for first time alone, or in a challenge and you need to do it yourself. I may help in the background, yet without turning you into a dependable kid. Yet, It is time to know that you are in a real environment with a lot of uncontrolled people. So how you should act and when I should get my self in the situation and when to let you handle it for yourself will be really hard, yet important. I have to make sure before you are 8, that you are capable of doing any kind of new activity you need, you are moved with your own principles and you can decide.
Your self esteem should be full now, and just need few adjustments in future.
After that, as your mum..I won’t be into a raiser mood anymore. You are there with your complete personality ready to face your own issue, and I am with you as a company and a mentor. It will be really important to show you the trust I have always showed and that I know you know your worth and there is no need to worry as I am actually proud of you.
I know, being a teenager phase will be tricky, yet all what you need will be your own space. Hopefully, I will be happy watching your high self-esteem and confident personality handling your time’s challenges.
This was simply trait one. I know it is a long letter, yet I wanted to list my own plan so in order to upgrade that later on easy, learn from, and to give it to you for your kids as well in case it worked successfully. And even it didn’t work, you know I have tried :D.
Kids,You should always know that I trusted you, because you were worth that trust.