Salāmun ʿalaykum :)!

Did I tell you how much I am bad in writing letters?. I usually start it with the-salam, after starting with the name of Allah. Then I feel like I want to make sure you are well. It annoys me that I can’t get how you are back while writing. Then when it is time to get into the topic, I don’t know how to start that.

Deep inside, I know letter’s words should be magical and beautiful. Yet, how things go is really different. I always envy those people who are talented in writing letters. Even though, I write letters, as I know those whom I write for would appreciate my efforts, and feel how I feel.

Last time, I wanted you to know your self-worth. I meet a lot of people who know their self-worth, yet they are very hard to communicate with or even love. Those perfectionists who know how perfectly things should go and got enough self-esteem to help them do it, make it hard on people who are not knowing or doing feel home. Sometimes, I myself have this issue. When I started to search for good friends, I found myself going away from those types.

It’s pretty hard for you to read this letter if you are just perfectionist about the grammar, the vocabulary, and spelling alone. Without really reaching my soul through words, nothing would be good enough or fun in reading any of this. I always love to read books whom I can feel their writers through their words. Yet, doesn’t every writer has a soul?.

I was for years wondering what is missing?. Why do good people are that harsh sometimes, that hard to feel home with. I want you to be good people, yet I want you to be soft and nice. What’s missing to make you soft and nice?. Now I know what makes you hard on people, is that you know how things should go, so you find it hard to understand people’s deviation.

Then I saw this video, I hope it is available when you grow up:

I find it very hard to not tear with this video. I knew what was missing through Hamza Yusuf. It’s empathy!. You don’t need to accept others’ mistakes as an acceptable right thing. All what you need is to appreciate their struggle. Those moments when your heart  move for them. For sure, the idea that she doesn’t wear hijab, serve wine is wrong. Yet, how they asked her this question and appreciate her answer, would simply change her life. Also, it helps you know she is still a good person, she is not as those label you give her.

And another one was this:

The way Hamza Yusuf explained love poems here is just amazing!. Analyzing human’s feelings in a way that appreciate it. And just when he appreciated this, he could take it to a higher level, on how those feelings should be.

Empathy helps you to not go extreme and to understand the real problem. Some people define empathy as putting yourself in other side. Yet, this definition always fails, as you put yourself with your personality, so you never really understand his struggle. It’s simply seeing through his soul.

Usually religious people raise there kids by rigid way. They are not good in answering questions. So when their kids ask about why do people do wrong stuff, they just give tags. Like, why do this person not wear hijab, oh..they are not modest!. And many bad example might be given, so the kid grow up not feeling any kind of empathy for others. So he actually never reaches the other side and whats worse is that he put others in the other side, while we are all in the same side.

A girl with no hijab would have million of real solvable problems that just not being modest. Psychological, knowledgeable problems, just like you with many others’ mistakes. Only when you appreciate their struggle, you would really know where is the real problem and can help others.

So I don’t know if I would do it, but I want you to know that everyone got a beautiful soul, and everyone is born as a Muslim already, so they are essentially good. And that being kind is better than being smart. So feeling you know whats right and wrong all the time, wouldn’t make you any better as long as you are not kind.

May be I will try to do it by teaching you Quran, volunteering together, may be having plants to take care of, reading, and knowing more about the prophet.

I love how Prophet Ibrahim got a lot of Empathy as well. It’s pretty clear in Quran. I wish as much as you knew your self-worth, to know everyone’s else self-worth. I wish you be a remedy for everyone around, to just can identify different personalities and their needs and to be just helping.  It would help you to know when people are worried, afraid, hopeful, relaxed and every feeling around. Only through feelings you would know how to be moving for them.

Thank you for having enough empathy to read my letter, kids.
Nuha,

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2 thoughts on “Mummy’s Letters: Empathy

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