It happens, that you feel incomplete. It’s part of our human nature, you may close your eyes to imagine how would you get rid of this incompleteness. Sometimes, you may just imagine meeting that person, that would give your life a meaning.
Someone would tell you, this would be yourself. You are the only one there to give yourself a meaning, yet this person forgot you are Human. In Arabic, human is named “Insan”. Such a beautiful describing word. By analyzing it, you may get a lot about yourself. Like, One of its sources “uns”. ‘Uns’ is from amiability and friendliness. I don’t know an exact translation. Yet, it clears that we need to be among people.
So It is part of us to need others. This is logical as we weren’t created to live alone in an island. So that’s it, your illusion would tell you search for this in family, friends, or future mate.
If you are as old of me, you tried family and friends, and you pretty sure know they are not completing you in this sense. This is not to lower their importance in our life. They are needed and essential, yet, this feeling of completeness would be there even with the best of them.
If you are young as I am today, you know as a single, you might have hopes in getting complete when you meet your mate. That’s how movies always showed life. His/Her life was dark, till she/him show up and the place was full of butterflies and meanings because of her/him.
And as a single myself since ever, I can’t validate this thought. Although part of me wish it was true, but I know married people. Even those who are happy, it is normal to be alone, lonely, depressed in a happy marriage beside the person you though you will never be sad beside.
So it is not even him?. May be, it is part of him. Quran mention the other partner in beautiful words that he is part of your own tranquility. I find young married couples tends to be more peaceful as well, just in case they chose the right person, for sure.
Yet, let’s agree on that partner is not what is missing when we are talking about incompleteness, specially when feeling lonely when everyone is there. Losing meaning of the daily life and getting confused by how the world is going. A partner may make things looks smoother, yet he would never really make it go as he is incomplete as well.
When I was very young, I passed by some hardships that made me feel incomplete. I am not sure if this feeling was because of the hardship, or it is part of being a very young teenager, as I was 13. I felt lost, unhappy for 2 years. I tried finding pleasure and happiness through them. Yet, I ended up more lost and sad, truly sad.
Yet, the happy thing about them is that I knew I am searching in the wrong place. As a 15 years old girl, I was looking for feeling of ‘belonging’, I wanted to belong. Yet, I felt to feel so within people. It was about this “Uns”, may be. I was looking for someone who would always listen, and not just listen, but also to really understand me. As a teenager, you just have this feeling of that no one will ever understand you. I didn’t even understand myself, so how would anyone else do?. I wanted someone to guide me, I knew I am clueless. I wanted someone who would know I am bad, yet have patience with me changing.
At 15, I decided as I didn’t even knew what’s right to do, to at least stop searching in the wrong places. I stopped stuff I knew were wrong to do. And you know, “Whoever gives up something for the sake of Allah, Allah will replace it for him/her with something better.”. My intention wasn’t that religious, it was a reaction for just feeling sad even though I thought I would be happy in this way. I was always a prayer alhamdulillah, So my mum taught me when I am young that whenever things are missed up, to re-analyze my prayer performance.
Due to some reasons, It was planned for me to suddenly be really alone, not just lonely. It’s weird how everything was planned for me by then. I am alone to re-search for meaning. Then while searching by heart while being clueless, I went Umrah, that I talked about earlier here a lot. In this Umrah, I knew where is what I am searching for finally!.
So who would really always no matter when listen to you? ALLAH!.
So who would really have patience on you no matter what you did? ALLAH!
So who would plan changes for you and guide you? ALLAH!
So whom is your heart feeling incomplete for? ALLAH!
I felt that Allah created in me this longing, It is kind of Fitra. By this time, I started to learn that Islam is not just praying, good manners, fasting. I always did that, and apparently they were not enough. You know why? I learned it is about the Intention more. But I had Intention too!. I always did any of this for Allah. You know what was it? Awareness!.
Before 15 and a half, Islam was part of my life always. Part of my manners, always. Part of my day, always. Yet, I wasn’t moved by Islam. My heart, worries, principles, issues, and my everything weren’t moved by Islam. You know, simply I was fitting myself on religion, instead of basing my life on it.
Awareness, doesn’t make you the best person out there. But it makes you that person, who know what’s going on. Heedlessness is source of real depression. Especially when you use it for getting rid of your depression. Doing what people do, going with the flow, moving for any next track without really be aware.
Awareness is not as easy as it may sound, it takes a lot of energy and conscious. This moment you give up on this awareness, you will lose it all.
Some people mistake pleasure with happiness. They keep thinking they are in the pursuit of Happiness, while they were just seeking pleasure. And when It comes to pleasure, I would love to mention Stephan Covey description in his book the 7 Habits:
It’s simply as he described it.
As part of Awareness I learned the importance of getting how things are really are. Don’t they say that high expectations is always the source of disappointments?. It’s partially true. Specially when they are wrong expectations.
All my relationships and life details started to be source of happiness, when I gave it the right understanding and expectations. Expecting people to fill your incompleteness is wrong, they are incomplete themselves. Expecting your partner to always listen to you, is wrong, He simply can’t, not because he doesn’t love you, just it is not part of his abilities. Expecting perfection in an incomplete world is wrong. Expecting Happiness, in this life is wrong. Expecting not being tested in this world, is wrong. Expecting not to face the death of people around you, is wrong. Expecting not facing hardships is wrong. Expecting not to grow up is wrong. ..and just you start knowing everything ability and the right expectations from it.
I learned somehow with time that, things doesn’t have be logical to my brain to exist, they still exist even if they are not logical. Deciding that the Sun showing up daily is not logical, wouldn’t stop it. Deciding that the one I loved should never betray me, wouldn’t stop reality if he did. Deciding that people shouldn’t kill each other, won’t stop the wars. You need to realize how things are, not just logically, but in the real world. Deciding that death hurts you won’t cancel it.
And that’s somehow how you learn to communicate with everything. It’s part of awareness’s thing. That why people read. It’s not Muslims-only issue, although this is how many people were driven to Islam. You would find books all over the world, just talking about finding a meaning. You read to know more about human nature, life nature, how things were always were and how things might always turn to.
Life got rules, nature rules they call it. The more you get them, the more It is easier to get what you should do.
I believe life is a test, and that moment it is not a test anymore, it is pointless for me. As I am pretty sure it is not forever, so any accomplishment is useless if there is no ever after life. Most sad people I know, fail to find happiness, as they are searching for worldly happiness. Where no one dies, no one gets sick, no one ever fails and you know, just heaven. No wonder why they are always disappointed.
But in this moment you know it is for testing, you start learning what to do when things goes wrong. It’s not about what happens to you. It’s about your attitude to them and your heart state.
You will fail in an important job interview, so what? is this forever?..Once you die, your success or failure will be equal, but your response would be recorded forever.
Start thinking about nearly every hardship you may ever go through, and think about it, wouldn’t death end all of this?. So what’s left but your Book?.
I love this promise. Just in this promise post, I learned to know about life more and God through Quran. My life became a lot different after reading deeply books about Allah’s names. They helped me to know my expectations with Allah. I find pleasure in reading about myself, either through books or by always analyzing my own issues and problems.
It has been 8 years since I started this kind of awareness, I get tested by big issues from time to time, I keep going to a higher life I never thought I ever wanted it. Not just in religion, but in dreams, aims and the way I see life. The more you leave things for Allah, so more you discover new steps. And I am not sure, if it is us who discover or we are guided and planed for this. With every new hardship, I just learn about something bad about myself that I need to trim, and just by discovering I didn’t know how did I accept this for years. Yet, Subhan Allah, it is a thread you keep following, not all at once.
Awareness is not something you do once in life, it is needed daily. I pray to die when I am a state of full awareness. This word is driving us for heedlessness, but let’s pray to never get unaware.
As this post started with the pursuit of happiness, let’s answer if this way gives happiness or no clearly. As stated earlier, if you keep searching for pleasure in terms of happiness, then no. No pleasure is forever and it is just like Stephan described. Yet in terms of “Being with Allah”, It is. They call it in Arabic Ma’ya Allah, It’s indescribable. I don’t have it always, as it is part of the test to always be away sometimes, near sometimes. And I know I got a lot of mistakes still and struggles. But for the last 8 years, I have been always better than where I wanted to be when I was 13. And it is not logical to think you will be in pleasure, while being tested. it’s impossible to imagine myself in complete happiness, while being in this incomplete world, where a lot of unjust and pain is around. And remember that the day of Judgment will be held when Allah is really angry from what we reached in this world. So It’s not pleasing Allah what we are doing with ourselves, it is just part of the test and it is from his patience to not get screwed without struggling to change. We are in a word that being unjust in every single small detail. Even when you are just eating outdoors for fun with a friend a meal that with its price you would have helped another 10 people to eat. So think deeply, how would you be happy when you know that even this meal is a test?. Click here for more.
Yet, you will feel at peace. When things goes wrong, you know it is not your mistake, it is just your test. And Islam details just made me feel in peace and discipline. I find it disappointing when I read for Alghazali, not because of what I read, what I read is fascinating, I just feel disappointed at how the world is lost, while the recipes are already there. This thing with books, you wish every one read them. And not just read them, do what is there in them in every little detail.
In the pursuit finding a meaning, I found more than I thought and I am still on my way.