So I am starting my third month without unhealthy food. I am not eating that healthy yet, as my meal is not full of green and energy boosting food, but I stopped all unhealthy food.
Many Years ago, I would have never imagined to go into this. Yet, I remember after reading Abu Hameed Alghazali’s book, I thought about how I shouldn’t have this desire for food, and I was 19 or 20 at this time I guess, I stopped eating as usual for a year I guess, I am not sure. I forgot but I remember passing by this, I used stopped eating between meals, I started to eat only 1 bar of chocolate per day lol, and I stopped eating at night. That were my trials by then, after a year, I had been into a pressure and being outdoors a lot that caused me to break this thing.
I had no scientific base or strong base that’s why I easily winded away. I used to eat everything, healthy or unhealthy. I didn’t think about what does unhealthy mean by then. So It wasn’t a healthy life style really. So it was acceptable to lose.
Later on when I read books like 7 Habits and he mentioned how you should take care of your health in your young age and to eat good and exercise, I was just passing this part feeling, okay we need to highlight this to fix in future. Then I did nothing about this.
Anyways, later on when I decided to start reading about raising my future kids, I started thinking about how kids should be healthy. They can’t be like me by then, I should love vegetables, fruits, exercising and these stuff. I was so naive, I didn’t know that being healthy could be more than eating more vegetables.
After graduating I was trying to go into a diet couple of times as I wanted to lose some weight, but I wasn’t patient every time, that I give up after just 1 week. As the idea of not eating sweets was hard for me by then. So last month, I discovered a status for me, I wrote a year ago on Facebook saying that:
“How can I educate them to healthy when I am not healthy myself”
So I was just looking at my own writing, feeling YAY now I can!. And Although I don’t remember writing this at all yet, It made me feel so happy as I was hopeless about changing my life style and how surprisingly it worked at the end.
Yet, Now I was thinking about this again. About how thoughts that changed my life could control me. And I discovered it all started by the small feelings and thoughts.
I mean, I could have ignored the first thought I ever had from a book or reading or just in a day I was feeling I can’t control it, to reply on myself, this thought is impossible or not worth it, but giving this thought a change to enter my heart started it all.
In order to change, you need to believe first. And believing is really hard. Although when you look back, you feel how I could ever struggle in believing this. But When You have no idea about believing in this, believing is just so hard.
Same thing happened with reading, I kept dreaming of being a reader for a year, but I didn’t started reading in spot. I was just reading quotes, watching ALi abu Alhassan speaking about reading, read a book or two..then I started to be a reader.
I also remember when I used to see dua of the prophet I saw “Allahuma Faqhni fe el deen” which is just praying to be knowledgeable in Religion. When I was 16 and I am just starting to wear hijab right or stop watching bad stuff or praying little more, I felt come on, do I really want this?. I am into religion’s knowledge anyways. I won’t ever be a religion scholar. Yet, I used to say this prayer, and saying who knows!. lol. Today, I am not scholar and I am not knowledgeable yet, but man, I just love reading books of knowledgeable people.
The thought of travelling to Turkey when I was 16, then travelling to there twice when I am 18 and 22!..The small dreams and thoughts..just turns to happen.
So those small thoughts we get are gifts, and even if they are not promising or you feel you can never go for them or do them or even want them. Those thoughts are like a first step, they take you higher and higher till they change your heart, and once your heart is changed, your actions change as well.
I discovered that all my changes that looked like 180 degrees changes, were slow and long term, as the first thought came before my change by long time. Only how the change appeared for people was on one day only, but the real change took years sometimes.
So whenever you get a good thought, pray for it, and type it down in your diary, because you won’t even believe that you ever wished this that long time ago later on.
It’s amazing how Allah remember our dreams and prayers, while we do forget them.
Subhan Allah, Enjoy your little thoughts 🙂