Excuse me, one more note about fear and hope. It is somehow an extend for the previous post. I was thinking about those fears I had, and it turned that every fear is connected to a hope. It sounded like a one coin with two sides.
If you fear falling, then you are up. If you fear dying, then you are alive. If you fear losing, then you got something to lose. When fears are turned to hope, they push you.
I was thinking in a very dramatic way, about death. I felt I don’t fear death now – for a moment-. I find death very interesting, that moment of going where you will go anyways. The infinity, reaching what we were always looking for and talking about. It is beautiful, indeed. And it is the next step, either we like or no. Death gives me hope of the end of my fears as well, sometimes. Then I thought, why do people fear death?
Well, I fear losing people. Currently, I don’t think I would handle someone’s death. I know it is a must, I know it will happen, but how we wish life would be forever, makes me hate to lose the company of anyone right now. It’s the hope of the company, that causes that fear of death. It is the hope of being with them forever, that makes death sounds as hope when it is my time.
But I thought that it will be good if I died now, other than years later. As years later, may be I am a mother. I would hate to die young and leave my kids!. Silence. This thought surprised me, confused me. Do I hope to be a mum, or do I fear being a mum?
I appreciate fear, even though I hate it. Yet, I am not sure if it is fear or hope that is always there. Without fear, I wouldn’t have had the courage to do a lot of stuff. Yet I am not sure, If it was fear or hope. I hoped to have something else, something worth, something right.
Without this mixture of hope and fear, I was going to really be someone else. You start moving forward easier, you start passing hardships easier, you start to get attached to life less, you start being determinate more, you just start to be more balanced, more You. Yet, only when we know that “لا حول ولا قوة إلا بالله”..”There is no strength or power except in God Almighty.”..we learn to balance our fears and hopes, and to just go for what pleases Allah. I hope we will reach one day, actually, I pray.